Well, in a surprising turn of events, I ain't talking of 1998- for I knew him not then- but rather of 1798, when he wound up sucked through that time vortex to the Mediterranean which is all he probably talked about on your first date. He landed on HMS Vanguard, and cried "Holy shit! You're Lord Nelson!" (Only he wasn't quite then.) One thing led to another, and he wound up cooking his novelty strawberry gumbo for the crew. Obviously, everyone puked as a result, nobody was actually driving the ship, Vanguard wound up dismasted, and the consequent disorganisation meant that Nelson lost the opportunity for a strategic victory, having to settle instead for one hell of a tactical victory at the Nile.

On the plus side, however, Napoleon never forgot the vital role Paul played in his ascendancy to the imperial throne, and to this day, there is an inscription (if you know where to look) on the Arc D'Triumph announcing how generally neat the English cook was. I can only assume that he was too ashamed an Englishman to point it out during your recent jaunt to Paris.